Do you find it hard to let go of the past and move on?
At times, it can be so hard to let go of past hurts, upset and pain or even just accept things that haven’t worked out as we maybe expected them to. It can be difficult to know how to begin to let go, but if we dont, we end up living in the past where our mind seems to be plagued with endless questions – Why did it happen, what went wrong, why did they react that way, why me, how did I mess up etc etc. Often, we drive ourselves crazy trying to understand why something has happened the way it has. Your peace and your future is more important than this!
It takes real courage to let go rather than convincing ourselves we can make it better. It takes courage to accept it without fear, resistence or struggle.
I love the phrase ‘LET IT BE’ rather than letting go. This implies more acceptance, it often feels like a deep sigh or breath of acceptance, ike saying ‘Its ok, just let it be what it is’
We often can be guilty of building up an image in our minds of what we expected things to be like or what we planned and then when reality comes crashing in, it can leave us feeling floored. This has happened to me so many times, especially over relationships until I learnt to trade expectations for serenity and gratitude for whatever happens….almost like saying to myself every day – ‘What will be, will be’. I have learnt time and time again that expectations leads to heartache. Never expect, demand or presume anything of others. As we understand the impact this can truly have in our lives, everything can change. We learn to just stay in control of what we can, which is our own thoughts, feelings and future. Often we are our own source of pain by the thoughts and feelings we choose.
Strategies to help you let go or let it be:
There are several things that have helped me embrace changes in life rather than be anxious about them and also helped me let go when someone has hurt me or things haven’t worked out the way I had hoped they would.
Writing it down as a story really can help, journaling is such a powerful way of putting a different perspective on things and helps us detach from the situation. Accepting that its all part of the story and that we hold the power to move onto the next chapter. I have been journaling for years now and I can honestly say that writing things on paper has given me so much more clarity on who I am, what I am responsible for, where I might have gone wrong and helped me develop as a person and move on.
♥ Time line exercise
This is a great exercise I always do with clients as it helps them let go of the past and all the ‘should haves’ ‘could haves’ and disappointments that might have happened. List all those things that didn’t shape up the way you wanted them too. Think of relationships, money, family, career, children, social life, health etc. Then ask yourself some of the following questions:
In what way was I responsible? Could I have changed the situation or my response to it? Why does it keep happening? What could I have done differently? If it happened again in the future, how could I respond?
This helps us realise we often have much more control than we think and we have the power to choose our responses to things and how we move forward in life. Our journey has happened and we strengthen through the challenges. Nothing in our past lives is wasted and we should never allow our wounds to turn us into a person we are not. If we choose to see the gift in everything and see it as an opportunity to grow, we will find it easier to let situations be whatever they unfold as. Nothing ever goes away until we are taught the lesson we need to know so the more conscious we become of seeing life as an opportunity to learn, the happier and more confident we will be.
♥ Write a letter
If your hurt is due to someone’s behaviours or actions writing a letter without actually sending it can help us express our thoughts and feelings without any potential consequences. I usually burn mine on the fire after and quietly thank the person for being part of my journey.
The longer you live in the past, the less future you have to enjoy. Make a commitment to yourself that you will move on and let it be . When we let go, we can still cherish memories and be grateful for everything we have learnt. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. Its opening the door, clearing the path and setting you free. Every time something goes, it leaves space for what is coming.
Everything we need comes to us at the perfect time, trust the journey and believe in yourself.